One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
