i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
