One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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