I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
