I wanna bring you to show and tell
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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