i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I understand Curling. That high.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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