his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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