2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
