i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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