we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
