I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
