I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
