So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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