You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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