He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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