Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i think i just lost a toe
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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