i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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