Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Come on in and take your pants off
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