I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
