I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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