I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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