So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
