My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
