I can text with my tongue
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
