The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
