is your mom at the bar?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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