i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
