When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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