apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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