the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you didnt know i had herpes?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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