I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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