Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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