she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the night ended with taco bell and tears
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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