Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize