I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
