sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
false alarm, still single
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