her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
