He kissed a someone with a penis
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
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