We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
