No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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