That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
