No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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