At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
