The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
