I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
