remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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