I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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