I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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