He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
