Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
