me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
