We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The Olympian is in my bed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
