hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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