I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
