it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
