Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
