Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
