So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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