Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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