I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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