She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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