my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
