sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
