He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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