Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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