I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize